The Dooryard

Talking about gay marriage and our culture of division with Michael Irvin

Over the last few years I've been blessed by a friendship with an incredible man named Michael Irvin. I met Michael through his former radio partner, Kevin Kiley, whom I'd done radio with for years. One of the various reasons I call this man "incredible" is his willingness to listen and discuss issues of the day. Homophobia, sexism, racism, religion...you name it, Michael's ready to talk about it with you, not at you.

Today he and I, along with his radio partner Curtis Stevenson, had a 15-minute discussion on air about Barack Obama and gay marriage. You can listen to the interview, dated May 18, here. The Bible, Manny Pacquiao and TD Jakes all factored into the conversation. And for 15 minutes on sports radio in Miami, we talked about how the lack of same-sex marriage affects our culture and the lives of people.

I've learned a lot from Michael about listening to others. Not long ago I would say I hated religion and resented religious people. Like Obama did with same-sex marriage, I've come full circle back to where I was 15 years ago and can listen to and respect religion. My mind and ears have opened to others almost exclusively because of my long conversations on and off the air with Michael. 

'Love For All'

Leave it to a straight man to figure out how to say send a message about same-sex love that no gay person has been able to figure out. Tennis great Bjorn Borg's new commercial promoting his underwear line and matchmaking service brought me to tears this morning as I watched it. So powerfuly simple and real. So pure. Perfect.

Its simplicity and perfection is in the expression on the face of the two men. Relief. Joy. Love. And with the haunting version of "True Colors" underneath, it built in me a wonderful emotional reaction. I've now watched it five times, and I'm going to watch it again after I hit "publish" here.

Guest-hosting ESPN Radio in L.A.

On Monday and Tuesday, 4pm-6pm Eastern Time, I'm guest-hosting the D'Marco Farr Show with Kevin Kiley. You can listen live here. I'm pretty excited about it. For ESPN Radio to have an openly gay voice guest-host one if its popular shows in the second largest media market in the country is pretty freakin' cool. Tune in if you can!

The Outsports Revolution

It only took two years from conception to publishing, but my first book, THE OUTSPORTS REVOLUTION, is finally on the shelves. Woohoo! I hadn't given it much thought in the last couple of months until I ventured into a bookstore in Provincetown this past weekend and saw it on the shelf. The clerk asked me to sign it, which was cool.

Early reaction has been very strong. Bob Lipsyte, who is one of the most respected sports journalists in this country, emailed us and said "it's great, a terrific read AND an important source book." To get that kind of praise from him is pretty incredible, to me. Other straight and gay people who have read it have told me they really enjoyed it. "I couldn't put it down," one told me. Maybe that's just because I know them, but I don't think so.

Please do buy a copy of the book - you can get it at Amazon. From the early reaction I've heard, I think it's safe to say you won't hate it, and you'll definitely learn some things. We'll be having some book signings here and there, so stay tuned for that too. Thanks!

Log Cabin convention

If you're in Denver this weekend, consider coming to the Log Cabin Republican National Convention & Liberty Education Forum Symposium. I'm getting in Thursday night. I'll be speaking at the lunch on Saturday about gay issues in sports, and John Amaechi will be there talking about his experiences as well.

My column on Christine Daniels

I wrote a column I'm very proud of that I wanted to share with you all. It's called "A woman behind the words," and it's about Los Angeles Times sportswriter Mike Penner's revelation last week that he is transgender. I actually heard from Christine Daniels (Penner's new monicker), and she said, "It did my heard good." I actually heard from other transgender people and other sportswriters that they loved the column. It felt good writing it.

For years now I have been a vocal advocate of trans equality. I think I've somehow "suffered" as a gay man? I don't know suffering, compared to what trans people have to go through in this culture. And a sportswriter? Forget about it. He's got balls. So to speak.

The column.

Dungy & Pace, and handling the two differently

A couple incidents involving high-profile people and gay "activists" in the last 48 hours really demonstrate my problem with groups like HRC and other gay-activist organizations.

My business partner and I were quoted in a few places over the weekend talking about Indianapolis Colts coach Tony Dungy's March 20 appearance at a fundraiser for an anti-gay organization. Repeatedly, in columns and in our statements, we have said we support Dungy's right and ability to say what he believes about gay rights. In fact, we have begged him to say what he believes. Yet, Focus on the Family and other religious organizations who have quoted us claim that we're endorsing a boycott of the Colts. In a radio podcast for FOTF, the reporter, Steve Jordahl, says this:

"Now gay-rights advocates want Dungy to distance himself from his faith.... Cyd Zeigler of Outsports.com, one of the two groups behind the protest, says the coach shouldn't accept the award."

I never said I wanted Dungy to distance himself from his faith, and instead said he had the right to believe whatever he believes. I did not say there was a protest and I have not advocated a protest (except that I wish everyone would turn against the Colts because I can't STAND them, as a Patriots fan). And I did not say Dungy shouldn't accept the award.

But I can understand why the reporter made the leap - gay reactionaries have given him reason to jump to generalizations.

Gen. Peter Pace, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, has said that he believes homosexual sex is immoral. That is hardly a radical idea, but rather an idea that hundreds of millions, if not billions, of people have. Yet, HRC is out there saying that Pace should apologize for saying (and certainly the subtext is that he should apologize for thinking) what his personal beliefs are.

"General Pace’s comments were irresponsible, offensive and a slap in the face to the gay men and women who are currently serving their country with honor and bravery," said HRC's head divisive, Joe Solmonese.

Let's be clear about this. It is not Tim Hardaway saying "I hate gay people" and gay people don't belong in this world. It was a man explaining his personal belief system that has led to his support of a rule, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," that President Bill Clinton signed into law. I can understand how anyone would try to shed light on the subject of homosexuality and get this discriminatory law overturned. But this attack on Pace and demand for an apology is simply another ploy to raise money.

I hope Pace reconsiders his position. I hope, in the future, he opts to pass on answering the question. And I hope Clinton's Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy is finally overturned. But, Pace doesn't owe anyone an apology. His language was not hate speech, it was a revelation of his personal belief system (that anyone could have guessed anyway).

We'd be much better served if HRC reached out to Pace, offered to sit down with him, and talk about it.

If you're reading this, Gen. Pace, know that every gay person isn't screaming about what you said; We just hope you reconsider your position and consider the effect it is having on gay people.

So sad

Something so powerful just hit me when I read this story about Zach Arend, 18, the seventh life claimed by the bus accident involving the Bluffton baseball team. Eighteen. Eighteen.

He was an innocent kid just looking to play some baseball. He survived the crash but succumbed to injuries days later. I can only imagine what those days must have been like. What those moments when he awoke from his nap to screams and the bus he was in tumbling over the side of a highway ramp.

My eyes well up with tears just thinking about it.

Much ado about Snickers

It's been a crazy last 10 days for me. The day following the Super Bowl was full of some gay people jumping up and down, screaming about how homophobic a Super Bowl commercial for Snickers was. I thought it was funny when I saw it during the game, and I think it's funny now. It just seems to me that, with all of the work we have to do for equal marriage, adoption and employment rights, that leaders of gay groups shouldn't be overreacting to a candy bar commercial. Of course, I got plenty of hate mail about it. John Aravosis of Americablog had some terrible things to say about me in an email to my Outsports business partner: "My opinion is that you've got a self-loathing gay Republican Bush-lover as a business partner, and I think mainstream community thought is that that stinks."

Thankfully, Aravosis is dead wrong. Yes, I am a Republican, but I am neither "self-loathing" or a "Bush-lover." Unfortunately for simple-minded people like Aravosis, life is black and white; You're either the tiny percentage of people that agree with him 100% of the time, or you are against him. Because I see him for what he is, and because I'm not afraid to expose his hatred-filled comments, I am a pariah. If I've pissed of John Aravosis, I'm doing something 100% right.

He's also wrong about his second assertion. While he and his far-far-far-far-far-left gay chronies may think it stinks that a Republican owns anything, the large majority don't care. I do my damnedest to help improve life for the gay "community," and that's all that matters to most.

A friend taken away much too young

I have lots to talk about after our week in Roatan. But first I need to talk about something that happened at "home" while I was gone.

Phone reception was spotty on the island. But, last Tuesday, a message came through from my friend Jim: One of our gold-medal-winning teammates at the Gay Games was dead. Anthony Castro, all of 19, had died in a car crash (He is second from the left in the team picture below). He was a remarkable kid - an openly gay high school quarterback, wrestler and swimmer at less-than-enlightened Banning (Calif.) High School - and Jim and I had meant to feature him on Outsports.com for the last year. Unfortunately, it was this terrible circumstance that finally drove us to do so.

My strongest interactions with Anthony were at the Gay Games. I had played pick-up with him in L.A. a couple times and had seen him at the Gay Super Bowl. But it was playing with him that I got to experience who he was. Our first game in that tournament, he kind of stunk it up. Dropped passes, blown coverage. But by the end, he was the MVP of the championship game. When it counted the most, when he had to lay the most on the line, he did so with maturity beyond his age. It's the mark of a great champion. And hearing from people who knew Anthony better than I, their experiences of him - shy, humble, and an incredible force in competition - were the same.

It's been comforting to see some major media outlets pick up the story of Anthony's life. My friend LZ Granderson at ESPN wrote about it today, the day of the funeral. The Advocate and Gay.com and Andrew Sullivan all wrote about him. The comfort comes from knowing that, despite the tragic loss of such a wonderful life, others may now hear of Anthony's story and be affected by it.

I got this news on day three of my vacation, and I'm glad I did. It gave me the next four days to reflect on my own life, the direction of it, and what people might say about me if I was the one perishing in that accident. His death has certainly given me some things to think about.