The Dooryard

The search

Last night we went to the Toys for Tots party, and I'll get to that later today. But one thing kept coming up in conversations with friends: the search for love.

It's something I struggled with through much of my life. How will I know when I've found love? My mother's answer to that question 15 years ago proved right-on: "You'll just know."

But the bigger question - the one that eludes most people - is the one that even gets you to that point: how do you find it? Before I met Dan, I tried pretty much everything from online dating to bars to sports to parties to friends. No stone went unturned. And, after five years of being out and searching, I still hadn't found what I call "one of the ones."

Oddly, it was when I stopped looking, it was when I let down my guard and started really just being myself to everyone, that life presented Dan across a crowded floor at the Crown and Anchor on the Fourth of July. There were lots of guys I ran into last night at that party who were searching for a husband (and, apparently, that's the best party of the year to find, or lose, one). And I told the ones who would listen to stop looking. It's a hard concept to grasp - counter-intuitive. But, what I can say is that it worked for me I don't know if it will work for you, but it worked for me. And if you've been looking for the last 10 years and haven't found him, maybe it's time to try for a while what worked for me.

Closer

There's a telling moment in the new movie CLOSER in which Alice (Natalie Portman) is discussing the photographs in a gallery opening for Anna's (Julia Roberts) work. The photos are all black and white images of people in London - and they all look sad. Yet, the photographs themselves are beautiful. She doesn't like the exhibit, Alice explains, because it's a way for the higher society to admire the beauty of the downtrodden state of others.

Her observations in that moment reflect the movie itself, as well.